A Friend

I don't remember meeting my friend Tammy. She was just there as long as I could remember. I assume we met in Kindergarten. I would beg my stepdad to take me to her house. It was full of adventures. She was very brave. Her dad hunted and was raising a small farm so there was killings of chickens, pigs. She lived across from a man made water hole that we would illegally sneak into to swim. She eventually had a pool of her own that we sheepishly went swimming in only our underpants, we were all of 11 or 12 and got caught! She had dark hair and freckles. She had a firey temper, but a smile sweet as anything. We laughed alot, we fought alot, we even dressed alike a couple of times.

In middle school years and early high school we 'fought' over a boy and went our separate ways. In the beginning of our Senior year we mended our hurts and became close again, I was baptized into the church in November of that year. In January of the school season she was diagnosed with lymphoma. I spent the night with her not long after the diagnosis and she told me it wasn't contagious, then we knelt and prayed.

It was scary. We made trips to Shands hospital in Gainesville. Slept in hospital beds together. We were both twigs back then and didn't know it. She loved her nurses at Shands.

Not too many months after her diagnosis she was told the doctors couldn't do anymore. She was terminal. It was really unbelievable. I remember driving back home in tears after finding out. Tammy was still so brave. When I made it to Gainesville she greeted me with a smile.

I remember sitting in her room going through her clothes. She designed her tombstone. And she fought to the end. The doctors said she lived two weeks longer than she should have. She would be in so much pain and still go and do the things she wanted to do.

She died on August 8, 1990, two months after she graduated high school where she walked to get her diploma.

She loved daisies. People were drawn to her. Her nurses from Shands came to her home to visit her.

Not long after she died I moved to Daytona Beach with my dad. I remember having a dream during that time and Tammy was alive and I had something to tell her and I woke up and reached for the phone.

I may have been looking, but while going to college in Daytona all of the girlfriends I made had something about them that reminded of Tammy, freckles, their physique, their personality.

I've had many dreams of Tammy over the years, most of them entail how she died and somehow was brought back to life. I often think about what a good mother and friend she would be today.

Last night I had another dream where I was explaining to someone how Tammy was here and she was sick but they saved her. Tammy needed to do research for a paper and I was telling her we didn't need to go to the library we could look it up on the internet, she thought I was crazy. I must of woken up not long after or however that works.

It took me until I got to the living room to realize that I wouldn't be able to call Tammy and my heart ached. I know she is present at times. I know I will see her again. I appreciate having had her as a friend. And for some reason I felt a need to write it all down....

Cole's Garden

This is Cole's idea of a garden....full of money. He's such a hoot. And it's a game. You have to find the letters for money three times.

Other don't forgets recently...

Laura as I'm strongly encouraging her to clean her things out of the living room.

"You are the worst mother I ever had in the whole wide world!"

Hannah handing me a white crayon..."the batteries are dead."

Hannah often gets names and words confused, She calls my sister Melissa, Carmen, she calls my brother Grandaddy Mike and my dad, Michael. Recently she started calling the tent the temple and the temple keeps the bugs out :). As we're headed camping, we're going to the temple, going to the temple!

A dream come true

and nightmare all at the same time. Friday was the stake father/son camp out. So we girls were going to have a night out as well. We went to chik fil a, Laura and Hannah's favorite. They played and then I decided we would go take Laura shopping for spring clothes. Something I've been meaning to do for a while. I am not a shopper. Most of Laura's clothes throughout her life have been handed down, given, or something I purchase and bring home for her to mostly not like. We did do some school shopping, but it didn't really feel like girlie girl shopping. So I took them to Burlington Coat factory. Laura was in heaven liking a lot of the things and I said we had to pick a few and decide. She liked this dress then that one, this outfit then that one. We were all holding outfits. I realized in the middle of it, it felt like girlie girl shopping.

Laura said, Mom do they have one of those places that you try the clothes on and I said yes and had a glorious picture in my mind of Laura trying on her choices and us all admiring how the outfits looked. Well, I did have a two year old with me. She was doing just fine. She had had a nap earlier so I thought we were good for a while. We enter the dressing room, a little tight but we all had moving space. Hannah had been dragging around this yellow dress that Laura picked out so it was size 5, not 2. Laura starts changing clothes and Hannah then states she wants to try on her dress. I try to explain that it's not her size, to no avail. So we get her clothes off all the while I'm trying to help Laura in and out of her clothes. I look down and Hannah has taken her diaper off, then refuses to put it back on. She is completely naked. I'm trying to let her cool down while helping Laura and she escapes out the dressing room door. My daughter is outside of the dressing room of a department store- stark naked, this is a first for me. I drag her back in and there is wailing and gnashing of teeth, possibly a head spun around. I don't know if she is clausterphobic or temporarily possessed by a demon. I do not have an explanation. We finally got her clothes back on. Laura tried on 2 out of 10 outfits, we considered ourselves lucky to have our heads and went to the checkout with our selections.

We had to wait 15 min on a price check of $2.99 gloves that Laura fell in love with while Laura chased Hannah around the watch stand. Hannah had the cutest little purse that she wanted and would go with her Easter dress so I wanted her to get it but couldn't get her to let go of it to pay for it. We finally get that purchased, go to the van, I get the kids in, Hannah's buckled. I turn go to get in the van and hear something go 'plunk'. I turn around and find the undetachable from Hannah's hands purse laying on the asphalt (it is white). I go back to pick it up and Hannah is smiling from ear to ear. I think she won this battle! I don't wish her life away, but the next two years could go swiftly and I wouldn't mind so much.

Title

So when I started the blog the first name that came into my head was Porter Pickens, not liking that puppy so much now so I'm trying some new ones out to see what really reflects our family. The first is The Porter Point of View, be we'll see. Knowing me it'll keep changing anyway, but it has stayed this name for over a year, hats off to me :)!

don't forgets

I think 'don't forgets' will be a new blog theme, cause they're always around.

Tonight I was headed off to Target for work and Laura follows me out and climbs on the hood of the car

Laura "Mom I want to go to work with you."

Me."well you have to be 16 years old to go to work with me? How old are you?"

Laura "16"

Me. "Well, you're short for 16."

Laura "Heavenly Father made all of us different. Some people are short for their age."

For the record she's really six, not short for her age :).

My three year old niece Anya who's been told she's had enough candy, approaches my sister Melissa holding a sucker that's unopened and shiny and says, "I am not eating candy". I ask her what's in her hand and she realizes she's holding a sucker and puts it behind her back and then tells her mom again she's not been eating candy (so proud of herself).

Then she puts the sucker in her mouth and Melissa tells her again she's not supposed to be eating anymore candy and Anya says "I'm not eating it, I'm holding it with my mouth!"

I'm hoping to make money off of this one with Reader's Digest:)

February in Florida

for the most part, at least these days it was warm enough to get under water, slide down the slide we need to return to Aunt Carmen :), play ball and play with pappaw and his cool convertible.


Hannah only enjoys filling the slide






such a poser


My step-dad. He is possibly Hannah's favorite person, on the morning of this particular visit we had another friend her age coming over that morning and I woke her up and said Hey Gracie's coming over and very sleepily she said not Pappaw is. We can't tell her until the day before or day of he's coming because she'll ask about it and she dances around when she knows he's coming to visit. It's so cute. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he is wrapped around her finger :).









Cole LOVES Bball


Laura's signature, this is how she communicates with people she doesn't know very very well.

A Dream of mine

has for some time(7-8 years) been to own a DSLR and guess what? WE GOT IT!!! It's a Nikon D40, not whistles or bells, but it does make the cool clicking sound and will take pics fast. It was a tax return gift and quite honestly a splurge we may regret later, but I love to hear the sound of taking pics and the quality of the pics and fun things it does. I take the most pics, Brandon takes the better pics, between the two of us the kids' lives should be well documented. Here's some of the first shots.