A Friend

I don't remember meeting my friend Tammy. She was just there as long as I could remember. I assume we met in Kindergarten. I would beg my stepdad to take me to her house. It was full of adventures. She was very brave. Her dad hunted and was raising a small farm so there was killings of chickens, pigs. She lived across from a man made water hole that we would illegally sneak into to swim. She eventually had a pool of her own that we sheepishly went swimming in only our underpants, we were all of 11 or 12 and got caught! She had dark hair and freckles. She had a firey temper, but a smile sweet as anything. We laughed alot, we fought alot, we even dressed alike a couple of times.

In middle school years and early high school we 'fought' over a boy and went our separate ways. In the beginning of our Senior year we mended our hurts and became close again, I was baptized into the church in November of that year. In January of the school season she was diagnosed with lymphoma. I spent the night with her not long after the diagnosis and she told me it wasn't contagious, then we knelt and prayed.

It was scary. We made trips to Shands hospital in Gainesville. Slept in hospital beds together. We were both twigs back then and didn't know it. She loved her nurses at Shands.

Not too many months after her diagnosis she was told the doctors couldn't do anymore. She was terminal. It was really unbelievable. I remember driving back home in tears after finding out. Tammy was still so brave. When I made it to Gainesville she greeted me with a smile.

I remember sitting in her room going through her clothes. She designed her tombstone. And she fought to the end. The doctors said she lived two weeks longer than she should have. She would be in so much pain and still go and do the things she wanted to do.

She died on August 8, 1990, two months after she graduated high school where she walked to get her diploma.

She loved daisies. People were drawn to her. Her nurses from Shands came to her home to visit her.

Not long after she died I moved to Daytona Beach with my dad. I remember having a dream during that time and Tammy was alive and I had something to tell her and I woke up and reached for the phone.

I may have been looking, but while going to college in Daytona all of the girlfriends I made had something about them that reminded of Tammy, freckles, their physique, their personality.

I've had many dreams of Tammy over the years, most of them entail how she died and somehow was brought back to life. I often think about what a good mother and friend she would be today.

Last night I had another dream where I was explaining to someone how Tammy was here and she was sick but they saved her. Tammy needed to do research for a paper and I was telling her we didn't need to go to the library we could look it up on the internet, she thought I was crazy. I must of woken up not long after or however that works.

It took me until I got to the living room to realize that I wouldn't be able to call Tammy and my heart ached. I know she is present at times. I know I will see her again. I appreciate having had her as a friend. And for some reason I felt a need to write it all down....